For When You Need to Forgive (Again… and Again)
Photo of an iron spiral staircase by Kieran Sheehan via Unsplash
I know forgiveness is important for my heart, but sometimes I find I need to forgive someone again for an old hurt. Something might happen that takes me back to that pain, and I’m angry and devastated all over again. This happens especially with people I’m no longer in relationship with. Without the opportunity to grow in safety and intimacy, it’s even easier for the memories to cause pain and anger in my rumination.
When I learned that forgiveness is something we do over and over it helped normalize my feelings. Forgiveness is a process. In relationship, it means forgiving whenever someone repents from wronging you. When you do, you offer a freedom to both of you to experience room for growth together. Outside of relationship, it means releasing yourself from the initial emotional turmoil so that you can be free from it, even without the apology you may have wanted.
Combative Praise helps center me back to the One who shows me how to forgive and who forgave me once to cover it all. Every time I need to remember to forgive again, I also remember the One who makes me capable of forgiveness, and how perfect and generous His forgiveness is.
Having these questions in my head help me as I read the Scripture passages:
What sensations am I feeling in my body? Where am I feeling it?
What emotions are arising to the surface?
Do I know the context of this passage? What is it? (It’s ok if you don’t know.)
How is this relevant right now?
What does this show me about God?
Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?”
22 Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.
23 “Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. 24 As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand bags of gold was brought to him. 25 Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt.
26 “At this the servant fell on his knees before him. ‘Be patient with me,’ he begged, ‘and I will pay back everything.’ 27 The servant’s master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go.
28 “But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred silver coins. He grabbed him and began to choke him. ‘Pay back what you owe me!’ he demanded.
29 “His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay it back.’ 30 “But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt. 31 When the other servants saw what had happened, they were outraged and went and told their master everything that had happened.
32 “Then the master called the servant in. ‘You wicked servant,’ he said, ‘I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. 33 Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?’ 34 In anger his master handed him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed.
35 “This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart.”
Matthew 18:21-35 (NIV)
I like to use music to finish my practice. You can access my Combative Praise playlist for free on Spotify.
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This post was first published on the Bstro Blog in 2021. The words are mine, and have been updated and repurposed for this website.
